GOD IS LOVE

The horizon seemed barely discernible, as if someone had painted it over with their mighty, all-powerful hand. All the colors that had so recently excited the imagination seemed to have blurred, turning into traces of watercolor or gouache... or... it doesn't matter.
The horizon simply disappeared. It was hidden by a thick fog. And the outlines of the sea surface are no longer visible, the blue of the sky, turning into its mirror image in the water surface, no longer enchants.
Where have you gone, my sunshine? It begins to seem that the wind has died down, and the leaves no longer rustle. But just a moment ago, all this was reality.
Who are you? Who took my sky, who hid the sun from me? Who are you, who stole my horizon and pulled out the ground from under my feet?
Without feeling my body, without seeing a lighthouse in front of me, where should I go and how not to lose hope? Am I dreaming, or is all this happening in truth?
In a strange way, I feel like God is looking at me right now. At first, I feel uneasy, I want to curl up into a little ball and hide somewhere in the darkness. But I understand that God's gaze will find me there too. And suddenly I start smiling, but at the same time, as if I were bowing my head, at least mentally, like a guilty kitten who stole a cutlet from the table and is now wagging its tail, trying hard to pretend that none of this happened. And finally, I am overcome by such a power of grace that it is simply impossible to describe in words. And I know for sure, it is God. And somehow I realize right now that this is a tiny grain of His presence and that if I received even a little more of His Spirit, my body would not be able to accommodate Him, and this world would not be able to hold me in itself. And then I think about how great He is!

"Wake up, it's time for us to leave soon! Breakfast is on the table!" a male voice is heard, waking me from sleep.
I feel hugs, so loved, so desired.
*
An angel picks me up - and we... I'm not sure if the word "fly" is right. Soar? I don't know. But I clearly understand that we are moving through space. And I am no bigger than an ant. And the angel... again I can't find the words. But I will say that he is bigger than the largest creature on our planet. My human mind can only make such a comparison, with a blue whale, since it knows no one bigger than this animal to imagine the true size of spiritual creatures. But now I perceive God's words differently that Heaven is His throne, and the Earth is His footstool. Probably too straightforward. But I am sure that our big planet is tiny for the One who created it. And it's even surprising why it is still so important to Him.
For the first time in my life, I felt myself the size of a pea. Not metaphorically, but literally. Not figuratively a grain of sand in a vast desert, but really someone very small, rushing through unimaginable distances with unknown speed, holding on to someone who possessed such power. It cost him nothing to descend from Heaven to Earth in an instant and catch me for some time. I began to see what was below. But my vision, or whatever it was, suddenly broke off. I had time to think that I should remember it forever and hold it in my memory as the most real of all possible realities of existence. I don’t remember the details well. But I will always remember that no even the most pleasant carnal enjoyment can compare with the feeling I experienced in those few minutes. The power of God’s creation struck me so strongly that I will hardly be able to perceive with affection the caricatures of angels that people depict.
"Did you really see all of this?" my now ex-boyfriend interrupted my colorful story.
I feel joy from the opportunity to be frank with him and a slight sadness about the past.